Straight out of my nightmares

Three times when I confronted my fears.

Written by Sophia Heit

Jumping out of my seat in fright at the movie theater, spilling popcorn all over the floor — horror is my favorite genre. Yet, when facing my fears in real life, I always run the other direction. Even when I want to do something, I feel like my fears control me.

I want to be the one in control.

No more shaky limbs, sweaty palms and nervous laughter. No more running away.

“What am I most afraid of?” I’ve asked myself.

Fight or flight

Despite the cold air outside, the room offered warmth as people ordered their favorite fruity drinks to feel like they were at the beach.

All sorts of personalities were in the bar that night — corporate working ex-musical theater kids, a young man drinking a Corona by himself, a girl with her friends on her 21st birthday. And then there were my two roommates and I.

We came with the same goal in mind.

Every person in the crowd had come to sing in front of a sea of strangers. For some, this was a weekly endeavor. For others, it was something they hadn’t done in a long time. For me, it was to face my fear of singing in public.

My friend and I laugh after singing karaoke at the Red Rum Tiki bar in Bellingham, Wash. in June, 2022 // Photo courtesy of Sophia Heit

“I am going to need a drink,” I said to my friend who asked me to sing with her.

I downed a glass of liquid courage and walked timidly to the stage.

We chose a song that we both had listened to extensively as kids so that there was no way we could mess up the words — “Our Song” by Taylor Swift. I remember not being able to breathe while simultaneously trying to stop myself from bursting into laughter.

People came in and out of the bar and chatted with their friends — nobody paid attention to me. Yet, I swayed back and forth, knees trembling and my alto voice quivering.

It felt like going to the dentist. I wanted it to be over as soon as possible.

When I got off the stage, I asked my friend, “How did we do?”

“I blacked out,” she said with her cheeks red and flushed.

Stage fright is one of our most common fears, but why is that?

Stage fright is usually caused by the fear that the speaker will be judged poorly by the audience, according to Psychology Today. It is a common type of social anxiety and triggers our fight or flight response. This response can cause shakiness, sweat and a racing heart.

Once I got off that stage, I appreciated the dim lighting in the Tiki bar more than ever. I smiled, thinking:

“I can do anything now.”

A buzzing time

My least favorite thing about picnics is worrying about a little buzzing insect landing on me or my food. It ruins the entire experience. My anxiety bubbles up inside at the thought of being stung.

This fear is frustrating because I know bees are crucial for the environment. They help the trees grow and give somewhere for the birds to sing — and they work themselves to death. Bees, as pollinators, support the environment in so many ways.

Fear of bees and other insects, known as melissophobia or aniphobia, is common, according to Healthline, an expert reviewed physical and mental health website.

On a late July morning, I visited a local beekeeper. Les Scott owns Les’s Bees, a small business in Bellingham where he makes supplies and bee starter kits for other beekeepers and sells honey from his bees.

Scott keeps his bees in his quaint backyard. Anybody who visits him sees thousands of bees wandering about his property. Hives line the fence around his house next to beautiful purple flowers. I watched as the bees danced around each other, communicating on a frequency I would never understand but found endearing.

As Scott told me about his bees, he looked through their hives, letting them land on him without a flinch. He wore no protective gear and yet showed strong confidence that rubbed off on me quickly. Hundreds were flying around me, and I had to keep telling myself that it was OK. I normally would have been dreading it, and I wasn’t.

As he spoke, I moved closer to the hives — my stomach was doing little flips.

Les Scott shows me his bee hives on July 7, 2022 in Bellingham, Wash. Scott owns a business called Les’s Bees where he sells beekeeping supplies and honey // Photo by Sophia Heit

“Before stinging, they will warn you with a head butt,” Scott said. He explained that stinging was their last defense.

His anecdote made me smile, imagining a tiny bee giving me a head butt.

Scott said they do not like dark colors because it makes them think of one of their biggest predators — bears — which is why beekeepers generally wear white.

After some time, my heart rate slowed, and I could soak up the sound and sunshine and watch as all the bees dragged pollen into their colonies. It was lovely.

60 seconds with a snake

The Arizona sun was baking Sedona at 90 degrees Fahrenheit while my friends and I explored the gift shops, taking breaks in the shade every few minutes. We stumbled upon a cute, old dog lying in the sun next to his pals — a group of 10 snakes. I was interested in looking at them in their cages, but had they been slithering around, I would have ran away.

“Would you like to hold one?” Said a man, who I could only assume was a local because his skin was like worn leather, and he had no visible sweat on his face.

“No, thank you,” I said without hesitation.

When I was younger I once held a snake, dropped it, and wept.

“Come on, that toddler over there is holding one,” the man said, gesturing to a young girl holding a snake the same size as her.

I couldn’t say no.

The snake was orange and white. It was small but moved quickly, wrapping around my arms like a tree branch. I thought that maybe it could sense my fear.

I hold a snake during a vacation in Sedona, Ariz. I felt very uncomfortable the entire time // Photo courtesy of Sophia Heit

I counted the seconds until it seemed reasonable to ask the man to take the snake back.

The man intended to educate people about how snakes can be harmless, and I respected that. I dropped a couple of dollars in a jar for him and headed back into the cooling shade.

There are about 3,000 different species of snakes worldwide, and only around 200 are venomous enough to cause significant harm to humans, according to National Geographic’s data on snakes.

Vesta Property Services, a property management service in Florida, gives advice to residents about how to avoid venomous snakes. According to them, only four species of snakes are fatally venomous in the United States. Several characteristics indicate if a snake is venomous: elliptical eyes, a rattling noise, and often a bulging jawline and head because of its venomous sacks. Generally, the most harmful snakes are more colorful.

As you might tell, I did not enjoy this experience at all. I always think I am not afraid of snakes until someone hands me one, and I count the seconds until I can hand the snake back. However, I learned more about snakes, which comforted and eased my fears, even for a short time.

After facing these three fears, I will still have shaky limbs and sweaty palms. Unfortunately, it isn’t that easy to rid yourself of fear. However, I am one step closer and for that I can be proud.