Between homework, work and friends, some Western students have one more thing to fit in — getting married.

Story: Mikayla King

Photos: Shannon Finn

It’s one of the last Saturdays before the start of fall quarter. Western students spend their final countdown to classes sleeping until noon, soaking up the sun at Lake Whatcom and adamantly ignoring Canvas notifications.

Some move into new apartments with new roommates during this time of year, but for JT Harpel, the next few moments will define his entire life. He stands at the end of the aisle at Fairhaven’s Sacred Heart Catholic Church, waiting for the moment when everything will change — seeing his wife, Lizzy Harpel, for the first time in a floor-length white gown and saying, “I do.”

“I never really thought I would actually get married,” JT says. “But seeing my best friend, gorgeous, start walking down in a white dress; I was just completely blown away.”

“He cried really hard,” Lizzy added, laughing.

Two weeks later, he was walking across campus for his first class of the school year.

Non-traditionally Traditional

It is not uncommon to see college students swiping right on Tinder, having casual encounters at bars and attempting to avoid any sort of committed relationship. By the time Americans turn 24, 85 percent have never been married, according to the U.S Census Bureau.

Some students break away from the trend by sticking to tradition. JT and Lizzy opted not to move in together before marriage, a decision becoming less common according to the National Survey of Family Growth, and rooted in their Christian faith.

According to the Pew Research Center, millennials are delaying marriage for all sorts of reasons, like they haven’t found the right person, they aren’t financially stable or aren’t ready to settle down.

Most classmates are surprised when JT mentions he is married, he says. JT gets a common, surprised reaction from his peers when he relates class discussion to his experiences and relationship with Lizzy, especially when he calls her his wife.

“They make a weird face then look at my hand and see, ‘Oh, yeah, he does have a ring on. Weird,’” he says.

Just a few years before, both JT and Lizzy had the same reaction. They never thought they would be “that married student” in class.

“I remember [when I was] a freshman. I knew someone who was engaged as a senior, and I was like, ‘What the heck are they doing? You’re still in college. Why the heck would you get married?’” she says.

Although she is now graduated, people ask Lizzy the same question she once asked herself. There are stigmas against getting married young, especially when your spouse attends college, she says. Her friends point to the financial strain of marriage and the change that comes with age as the biggest problems for young married couples.

These changes can happen when students leave campus bubbles. Entering the workforce can shape political views and free hours, once dedicated to studying, can develop new interests. Lizzy says she doesn’t fear these changes though, and looks forward to rediscovering her relationship with JT throughout the years.

“Sometimes you change, and sometimes you change in very different ways and you figure each other out again,” she sai. “In ten years, I’m sure we’ll be completely different people, but that’s what keeps you working at a marriage. It’s not easy.”

Not everyone can negotiate the changes. One of the most common reasons for divorce is marrying too young, among infidelity and unrealistic expectations. Unlike Lizzy, more and more people are waiting until later in life to get married. The median age for a first marriage is now 27 for women and 29 for men, the oldest it has ever been according to the Pew Research Center. Rewind almost 60 years to 1960 when most grandparents were college students, and most people married before the age of 24.

Few traditionally college-aged students have made the leap to marriage while still attending class. In 2015, 20 percent of Washington State marriages were of people age 18 to 24 years old, but JT isn’t convinced waiting means much in terms of love.

“If you find someone you know you want to spend the rest of your life with while you’re young, it’s the same as if you were older. Why wait?” he says.

Student. Spouse. Stretched thin?

Marriage and college aren’t exactly the perfect couple. Balancing the stress of married life and college can take a toll. Married college students have a harder time adjusting to the demands of higher education than their single peers due to more personal responsibilities and time commitments, says a study in the Journal of College Student Development.

Instead of spending the three months leading up to her wedding stressed about midterms, Western senior Brooke Morris took spring quarter off to plan her wedding in July 2016.

Her husband Jonathan Morris decided to stay in class for the spring but grew overwhelmed with the stress of balancing wedding planning with school. When he wasn’t reading textbooks, writing essays or studying for midterms, he picked wedding colors and cake flavors. This left little time for friends, Brooke says. She saw the impact school had on her husband and this affirmed her decision to take the quarter off.

Instead of taking time off for the wedding, JT added more to his already full schedule. With the threat of student debt already looming on graduation, JT was determined to pay wedding expenses as they came. Taking up a second job, he struggled to make time for relationships in his 70-hour work weeks.

JT and Lizzy spent weeks apart, with only thirty minutes together, often late at night and half-asleep. Barely having time for what he considered the most important relationship in his life, JT grew distant from his friends, especially those who lived in his hometown of Vancouver, Wash.

“Being married makes you reevaluate a lot of the different things and relationships in your life,” JT says.

It also changed how the couple interacts with each other’s friends. Before moving in together, it was easier to spend time with friends alone because they didn’t live together, Lizzy said. Now, when JT’s friends visit, she is often unsure what to do, not wanting to encroach on their time together. This balancing act results in Lizzy sneaking around the kitchen before she goes into the bedroom while JT spends time with his friend.

Instead of hurting her relationships with friends , the change has strengthened them, Brooke says. Forcing herself to schedule time together means she sees her husband frequently and values their time together more.

Marriage also brings a new perspective on the couple’s current relationships. JT and Lizzy became aware of an obvious gap in their social circle. Having no married friends of the same age, Lizzy wishes for someone to turn to for support and to share the unique struggles of married life. She still turns to her friends for advice, especially those in committed, long-term relationships, but knows they can’t relate to her experiences firsthand.

The one person Brooke can count on to understand exactly what she is going through is her husband. When Brooke becomes overwhelmed with studying, she says he will set apart time for the couple to take a hike or set up a hammock.

“We make it a priority to serve and love the other person rather than getting caught up in selfishness. When we are both seeking to serve the other, we are able to have a joy and satisfaction that would be difficult to achieve [otherwise],” she says.

Brooke and JT plan to make one more trip down the aisle when JT graduates in winter and Brooke graduates in fall.

On the first Saturday of spring break, most students will escape the city for a week, but a few will pile inside the Performing Arts Center donning caps and gowns for a day. Seven months after saying “I do,” JT will walk onto the concert hall’s stage, this time for a degree in sociology, his wife Lizzy cheering him on from the stands.