FoMO No Mo’

How to break free from the fear of missing out

Story by Miranda Grogger

Illustration by Sofie Pichler

“You don’t need to go to class! Come hang out with us instead ... we’re all hanging out!”

Phoebe Kucera knew she had homework. She was a manufacturing engineering student at Western Washington University – of course she had homework. Regardless, she went.

What would you do? It’s a Friday night, and you’re ready to buckle down on your homework when you get that damn four-word text: “Wanna go out tn?” When faced with the choice of writing a five-page paper or going out with friends, many students go for the latter option.

Time and time again, Kucera opted to hang out with friends. Popcorn-filled movie nights and road trips to Seattle took priority over homework, class and life responsibilities. “I definitely put school on the back burner to the point where I was taking one class a quarter by my second year,” Kucera said.

Though she didn’t realize it until a couple of years later, Kucera was stuck in a loop of FoMO.

FoMO, or Fear of Missing Out, is a relatively new term, entering the Oxford Dictionary in 2013. It is described as a “perception of missing out, followed up with a compulsive behavior to maintain these social connections,” according to a 2021 article by Mayank Gupta and Aditya Sharma published in the World Journal of Clinical Cases.

Kucera was a second-year student on a full-ride scholarship, but her fear of missing out controlled her to the point that she would arrange her schedule around being with friends.

“I had to be available all the time in case someone wanted to hang out,” Kucera said.

After a year of this cycle, she lost her scholarship and her parents pulled their financial support. One year later, she dropped out. Kucera was left working 60-hour weeks, delivering pizzas and cashiering at a health supplement to repay her student loans and support herself. Those friends she inadvertently sacrificed her degree for are now on the blocked list of her social media.

Kucera’s experience is an extreme case of FoMO. But while you might not be at risk of losing your job or having to drop out of school, FoMO can still siphon energy from your life. It can have negative impacts on sleep and physical well-being, according to Gupta and Sharma.

Around three-quarters of young adults have experienced FoMO to varying degrees of intensity, according to a 2013 research article by Andrew Przybylski and others published in the Computers in Human Behavior Journal.

So, you’ve acknowledged it’s FoMO. What can you do about it?

Manjit Bath, a psychology intern at Western’s Counseling & Wellness Center, recommends practicing gratitude, mindfulness techniques, intentional presence and goal setting.

“Find fulfilling activities,” Bath said. “[Something] that helps you feel motivated that you are doing something within the community.”

Tyler Steinberg, another Western student who has experienced FoMO, recommended branching out to new friends and expanding your circle.

“Since I was doing my own thing, I didn’t really feel bad that I wasn’t doing the [activity] with my closest friends,” Steinberg said.

Steinberg’s experience speaks to another of Bath’s ideas. Bath advocated for finding friendships that allow you to feel confident in your connection. He said this will help you to be “comfortable with being alone,” and not have to rely on constant socialization.

After self-reflecting, Kucera realized that she needed to think harder about the people she was surrounding herself with.

“If the people in your life are going to give you shit about not wanting to go to a party or the fact that you are going to stay home and study,” Kucera said, “then those aren’t really the people in your life that you want.”

Bath also noted that no matter what you choose, it’s important to make choices intentionally.

“You can drink as much as you want. You can have as much sex as you want. You can go to as many music scenes as you want. That’s a freedom that we all have,” Bath said.

But if you’re only doing things to not miss out, you’ll miss out on fully experiencing anything.

Kucera’s advice? Recognize that sometimes you have to miss out. When you do choose to go out, listen to your body and ask yourself: Will this cause me stress? Will I regret ignoring my responsibilities?

Most importantly, remember that you are not alone in your feelings.

“I had no one to relate to or talk to about it because I couldn’t put it into words,” Kucera said. “It’s hard to look at it from the big picture, but sometimes you need to make an attempt to take a step back.”

In the whirlwind of moving towns, starting college, navigating adulthood and more, having those friends who always seem to be rock solid in their social ties can be so enticing. But while being everywhere and doing everything all at once can seem desirable, it is not the end-all-be-all of your teen and young adult years. While there’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting to be at the epicenter of your social scene, there’s also something to be said for choosing to be alone.