Laughing in the Face of Danger
Humor is just one of the many tools a woman needs to survive in the world.
Written by Payton Gift
I’ve got a lot of weapons in my arsenal, the most effective being a good sense of humor. Because when stepping out of the house offers a buffet of potentially threatening interactions, well, laughter serves as a good comfort blanket.
I do my best to be prepared; I have my hot pink pepper spray always on hand. Aside from the fact it lacks an intimidation factor, it does provide some sense of safety.
In collecting trinkets of violence like my pepper spray, my main hope is that they remain for display rather than use. Lydia Love, my Mary Poppins of self-defense, shares my sentiment. With courses now back in person, she is able to work as a teacher’s assistant to Western Washington University’s self-defense instructor, Rob Eis.
“Any day you don’t have to fight is a good day,” Love said. “That is the goal.”
As a young woman whose physique is comparable to a Yorkie’s, I’m inclined to agree. I would much rather bark than bite, if given the option.
“I have a lot of awareness just of myself, how I move through the world. I don’t remember learning that or being taught, I just did,” Love said. “When I started to take self-defense classes, the things I started to learn, it all just sort of clicked.”
Self-defense is a world begging for exploration rather than something to fear, in Love’s opinion. A carabiner isn’t always for rock climbing, sometimes they’re makeshift brass knuckles, and a hefty flashlight can do more than just guide your way in the dark.
“It is always helpful to think, ‘What do I have around me, or on me, that I can use to defend myself?’” Love said.
Preparation can only do so much, though, and it can be exhausting to always be on guard. So, every now and then, I’m not.
Like when I’m excitedly telling my friend, Eden, a story while we walk to see a lip sync battle. I use my hands to animate my speech, allowing them a break from being married to my pepper spray. The evening air is crisp and I can feel it in my lungs as I inhale and exhale a laugh — for my own joke of course. Turning to my friend, I notice they’ve gone completely pale.
I’m about to ask them if everything is all right when I look down and notice Eden has a blue, plastic self-defense weapon clutched in their hand. I notice their eyes shoot a glance directly behind us. I look over to see a hunched figure following close behind me and Eden. Everything is not all right.
Eden and I lock eyes; we don’t exchange words but we both agree to cross the street. After crossing, we continue on to our destination, hoping that our change of location is enough to discourage our pursuer.
We do our best to continue small talk, our eyes darting from each other to the other side of the road, though now the man has far exceeded our pace and seems to be on his own path after all.
I breathe a sigh of relief, thinking we must have misread the situation. I let my attention turn to the streetlights that lay in our path. That is, until the man once again returns to my line of sight, a streetlight ahead of us acting as his personal spotlight. He is now stopped, turned towards us, his eyes looking through us.
I search for an expression on his face but find none. The next thing I notice is what appears to be a knife clutched in his left hand. My following thought is how glad I am that my roommate suggested I wear sneakers instead of my platform shoes. She was right, the Converse went better with my outfit anyway.
Run? This is the part when we’re supposed to run, right?
So we run. I blow my high school mile time right out of the water.
Panting while we make our escape, Eden suggests we take an alternate route back to their house to not lead our unwanted companion back to it. So down we went through a nearby alley, taking each twist and turn like we were playing a high-stakes version of tag. Luckily, right before my lungs give out, we arrive at their house. No scary man in sight, we rush in and lock the door.
“Well, what a Monday, huh?” Eden said.
We erupt into relieved laughter, thankful that we are both safe. Then, in an act of stubborn spite, we ordered an Uber, because why would we let some strange man ruin what was intended to be a fun evening? We meet up with our friends and sing along to every song lyric we can remember at the lip sync, and truthfully, to those we can’t too. We’re still shaken, but dancing is a lot more fun than crying.
“You do not have to go through the world being smaller than you are,” Love said.
Being loud — an integral part of my personality — is also one of my favorite things to do. Quiet avoidance seems out of the picture for me, so I guess I better get used to practicing my battle cry.
Sofia Lopez, a childhood friend and recent transplant to Seattle, has the method of avoidance down to a science. She figures no one can bother her if she walks fast enough and keeps her headphones blaring and her red curls bouncing in the wind.
Lopez said she had male friends who would call her paranoid for having these habits, but she wishes that her precautions were overkill and not a matter of keeping those around her safe.
“For women and femme-presenting people, you try to ignore the threats you face everyday because of how you are perceived,” Lopez said. “You ignore, but this fear is still in your mind, and some people think it is ridiculous, but they are very valid things to think about.”
That reality doesn’t change the fact that Lopez still has to go to work, or go out with her friends; she refuses to let fear stop her from living her life. Mitigating risk is important, but Lopez laments that there are many other things she has to do everyday that put her life at risk.
“Yeah, there are scary men I have to avoid, but I could wind up getting hit by a car, or lightning,” Lopez laughed. “Leaving the house to get groceries is a life-threatening event.”
As of September 2021, there have already been 59 sex crimes reported in Bellingham for this year alone, according to statistics provided by the City of Bellingham.
The unfortunate reality is that these statistics can’t capture the subtle threats that women experience every day. Some are scary, some annoying, and some are just ridiculous. I mean, when has catcalling ever worked out in someone’s favor? I don’t recall seeing that technique in Jane Austen movies, but then again, these men are no Mr. Darcy.
“I think everyone has had some kind of experience in defending themselves; it doesn’t have to be some violent attack,” Love said. “Standing up for yourself is self-defense. So, if you’ve never used that muscle, there will come a time when you will need to, and it will help if you’ve had practice.”
Life has its frightening moments, but for each moment when I want to run and hide in the smallest corner of my room, there are 10 other times that I am grateful I don’t. So, when it gets overwhelming, I laugh at the absurdity and beauty of it all.