Listen To Your Heart Beat
How music helped me understand myself and empathize with others.
Story by Victoria Corkum
Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader?
As the yellow school bus screeched to a stop, I grew excited with anticipation. Another day of fifth grade was about to commence, full of possibility.
Once inside, the chatter made me feel even more enthusiastic about the adventures in store. The houses whizzed by. Before I knew it, the bus arrived at school.
A herd of kids stampeded off, whisking me away with them. Just then, I caught a glimpse of the cutest boy in the world. I swam across the sea of students to wish him a good morning.
As I approached, he turned and my heart skipped a beat. Before the words left my mouth, he took one look at me and stopped me in my tracks.
“Eww, gross,” he said.“You’re too fat.”
That’s exactly what a blossoming 10-year-old girl wants to hear from her childhood crush in front of basically the entire school.
I backed away from the dozens of eyes peering at me. The rest of the school day sped by as the words echoed in my head. Those words followed me out of the classroom and onto the bus back home.
When my parents asked how my day was, I couldn’t respond. I was too busy holding back tears. As I told them what happened, I saw their eyes soften.
The next morning when Dad drove me to school, he told me he had something for me to hear. He popped a CD into the radio console and away my mind went.
“You always have the choice to make it a ‘Beautiful Day,’ darling,” he said. “Don’t ever forget that.”
According to a study on empathy in music by psychologist Eun Cho, music performance represents a unique form of human social activity. It involves a complex set of interpersonal communicative skills and understanding. This contributes to the empathy that is drawn out in people when they hear a song they connect with.
At a young age, I had learned how quick humans are to judge simply based on what we see, but I also recognized I wasn’t alone in how I felt. Confused and hurt, absolutely, but alone? No way.
There I was again, getting off another stupid bus with a bunch of stupid kids walking into a stupid school full of stupid classes. Thank God for my iPod and earbuds.
This was the biggest point of growth for me as I survived the muggy days of middle school. The concoction of overcrowded hallways, oversized gym shorts and over-the-top health classes where students giggled at slideshows of genitalia was too much to handle.
It is so incredibly easy to feel lost amongst the sea of sweaty preteens. I never felt like I had one friend group. I consistently felt out of place. There were times where I even felt alone amongst friends.
As I navigated the world of teen angst, I found myself listening to a lot of Green Day, Panic! at the Disco and Fall Out Boy. One song that always stuck out to me was “Dance, Dance” by Fall Out Boy.
When I listen to this song, I feel seen and valued. The lyrics remind me that there are so many layers to human beings.
At the end of the day, sometimes all you can do is dance, even if you’re falling apart. And chances are, you are not the only one falling apart.
You Don’t Have Time To Be Stressed Out
As soon as you graduate high school, you are supposed to know exactly what you want to do with your life. Obviously.
In my senior year, I was balancing high school classes, college classes, a part-time job, participating in school plays and maybe even a social life sometimes.
One day the entire school was herded into the gymnasium. The seniors were all seated in the center of the room — a place of honor, I suppose.
As students packed into the bleachers like sardines in a can, I looked around and all of a sudden a wave of anxiety hit me. Holy crap, graduation was in a few months. What do I do with myself? I’ve always looked to the future with excitement but never with certainty.
The assembly ended and I went straight to my car to speed away from the school. I needed to forget the inevitable curse of growing up for a little while. I flicked through songs on my cracked iPhone, and I cranked up the volume as I cruised through the backwoods of my hometown.
Why am I always so “Stressed Out?”
Even though the words didn’t stop the future from coming at me full speed, it did seem to pause time for a few minutes. Stressing out over what the future brings is normal, and in a way, it’s kind of good. It shows that you once experienced something carefree.
Just because you aren’t experiencing that feeling now doesn’t mean you won’t ever feel that way again.
Welcome To College, Kid
After I graduated high school, I didn’t ever see myself using the bus as my main form of transportation again. Yet there I was, on the city bus.
I was returning from the local Fred Meyer back to my dorm. The bags of groceries sat at my feet, on my lap and even in the seat next to me. I was really craving a friend at that moment. Surely, no one would want me encroaching on their personal lives just to hang out. That’s ridiculous.
I felt alone despite the bus full of passengers. I popped in my headphones and was transported to a rock concert in my head. For a moment, I didn’t feel alone in these “Hard Times.”
As odd as it sounds, it made me smile. Hard times mean different things to different people, but we persist. Humans are pretty amazing like that.
“The power of music is that it can validate what you’re feeling,” said Serafima Healy, KUGS-FM local music coordinator. “Oftentimes there are songs with lyrics that are so randomly specific and they fit into your life. You think, ‘maybe I’m not the only person who feels that way.’”
I climbed out of the bus, bags in hand, when suddenly the bottom of a grocery bag burst, spilling its contents onto the sidewalk. I began to laugh. An actual, genuine laugh. If these are hard times, I consider myself blessed, because I am not truly alone.