Healing at Home
How I learned to harness empathy for myself in a spiritual context and find clarity within.
Story by Merrideth McDowell
One of the greatest highs is the feeling of true clarity; a rare feeling I get in fleeting moments here and there, but I am making progress.
I’ve never been religious. My parents made the conscious choice to raise me without religious influence. Although, I always considered myself to be “spiritual,” whatever that meant. I spent much of my childhood piecing together random synchronicities before I could recognize what that meant to me.
When I was 19 and a freshman in college, I met Bridget Gallagher while helping her with a small start-up business. Three years later, I am managing a small but mighty coffee shop alongside her. As our relationship grew, she shared her spiritual background of 16-plus years and her practices with me. Over the years, she has taught me about the science of our egos and brains, and how much spiritual practice has to do with understanding that first and foremost.
The pandemic particularly has landed me, alongside most, in a more isolated life chapter. A chapter that has left a lot more open room for confronting issues, especially within.
It is as if neglected issues and repressed traumas suddenly had the chance to bubble to the surface in the isolation. I have been lucky to utilize this time and put in work to understand myself from the inside out. Soulwork.
From what I have learned, in a spiritual context, our egos harbor a place in the collective consciousness, or all the external pressures that we are all a part of. In other words, this is the idea of subconscious external pressures to conform or act a certain way. The collective consciousness can be heard through the voice within us that sounds like, “you should or shouldn’t have done that,” or “you should or shouldn’t feel that way.”
I think one of the most important things I have ever learned is the understanding of collective consciousness and how it can take over day-to-day life. Learning about our egos is paramount to learning about our true selves. Dr. Brene Brown, a renowned researcher and educator specializing in courage, vulnerability, shame and empathy, beautifully depicts the ego in a passage from her book “Rising Strong”:
“Our ego is the part of us that cares about our status and what people think, about always being better than and always being right. I think of my ego as my inner hustler. It’s always telling me to compare, prove, please, perfect, outperform and compete.”
Initially, the idea of separating from my ego sounded beyond abstract and impossible. But as I studied and read more from spiritual teachers, I could see that these studies on the ego are the heart of all mindfulness practices. And the most beautiful thought came over me: I have the power to find wholeness and peace with myself. And true wholeness and peace can only come from within.
I felt excited and scared to be embarking on the path to breaking down my anxieties, issues with codependency and traumas. It’s a large feat, one that will take time, and that I will perpetually be working on. But I found solace in the idea that it is possible to break free from the binds of anxiety, and learn to give less power to the ego or the collective consciousness and more to healing the part of me that’s wounded by trauma.
Journaling is how I talk to myself and talk to pieces of me that are still suffering. It is an integral way from me to begin articulating anxieties, fears and traumas.
Sometimes I start writing without any knowledge of what I even need to uncover within me. Rather, I just start from a place of pain and know there’s evidently something to address. Journaling is always my step one.
The initial release of energy when I journal feels like I am venting to myself. I feel that I am allowing myself to hear my own pain with a new clarity, just like if I sat down with a close friend to listen to them. Then, I read it and respond to myself as I continue to journal. I can actually feel empathy for myself at this point.
“Empathy isn’t about being sorry for oneself, it’s about introspection,” Bridget said. “Interdependence starts with going home.”
At this point, I normally feel an overwhelming sense of release from the grip of my anxiety. And of course it is not healed forever, but these moments of clarity and love for myself is what keeps me going and keeps me practicing.
The biggest takeaways from Bridget that I carry with me is the practice of pausing and observing. The ability to observe and filter our egoic voices and collective tendencies is the ultimate breakdown. In light, this is the ultimate act of empathy one can do; to hold space for finding peace in clarity.
“Empathy comes in where there’s a voice. Almost like a parent shaming a child that’s not doing good enough. So maybe the first thing is recognizing the voices,” Bridget explained. “Everyone has the ability to be intuitive, that’s part of our brain chemistry. It’s not that you’re special. We’re all made in the same way, but accessing and developing it takes action, discipline and time through meditation, journaling, writing.”
Everyone has traumas of some form, and the most beautiful thing about this work is that anyone can try it anywhere, anytime. When I practice and journal, I feel like I am honoring myself in a way that is irreplaceable. Sometimes this practice isn’t easy to jump into, and I get out of habit, just wanting to live without dissecting all of my issues. But when things start to boil over, I know I need to turn to journaling and mindful practices to honor myself.
It’s a truly euphoric feeling to feel real clarity within. I know that I will go through the journey to clarity 1,000 times over in my life, but that’s the beauty of it all.